So I was having this bad day...

Or, actually, this bad week...

I hate to be a downer. Or actually try to use Twilight as some kind of parallel to my life. But I'm about to do both, so be prepared.

So. There was this guy. And he wasn't my type at all. But he was cute and charming and funny and he eventually sucked me into his trap. So, we had a thing, right? Problem was, this guy, he's kind of, well, afraid of showing emotion. He needs to keep up this bullshit tough guy appearance, right? Well it drives me fucking crazy. And I've had enough of it. We were "together" or whatever for like 3 months or something, right? And this last Friday I was like, enough. I managed to guilt trip the shit out of him... As a side note, this whole time I've convinced myself he no longer gives a shit about me. Well anyway, I'm telling him it's over and he's like, 'Yeah, I have emotions, I just prefer to hide them, and I was just starting to show...' But he never finished.

I'm afraid he was probably about to open up to me.
But I was being a dick because I'm sick of his bullshit.
Anyway, this whole time I've been trying to convince myself I only had a tiny connection to him, and he doesn't care about me at all. Well, now he's gone, and for some reason there's this empty feeling.

I know we weren't going anywhere with whatever we had... But it was something to fill... Whatever it is that's missing in my life? And now he's gone I miss him more than anything... Or maybe I miss how he made me feel. Anyway, the point is, I feel like Bella did when she was around Jacob. Like he was her sun but still not good enough to fill the emptiness Edward left behind. I know, the next time you see me, please slap me across the face for this reference, or for even reading those god forsaken books.

So I'm trying to fill my time with things other than him. And it's the hardest thing I've done since Calculus. Because I know he's there, and he doesn't hate me, and he's just sitting there asking to be talked to... But I can't.
If he wants to talk to me he can. But no matter how much I want to talk to him I have too much pride to take back anything I said.
God knows in a few days my resolve will break. Why is everything bullshit? Fuck.

Why are we such goddamn masochists? In the end, does he even really care? Beneath that bullshit cover I know there's a person. And I know he knows he's hurting me and I know he feels terrible about it. But it's all a charade. It's all a game. And I can't take it.

WHY CAN'T HE JUST BREAK DOWN THOSE FUCKING WALLS?
Appearances.

Fucking Libras.