So today I got hit by a Train...

This will be the first time I've used blogger in Spanish. I struggled for about 15 minutes on Google to change my idioma to ingles; I found it. However, I'm pretty sure blogger wants Mexican bloggers to use Spanish. Or something. Or they don't want Americans going to Mexico.

I don't know. But I can't find preferences. Yo no hablo espanol bueno enough to find un button de preferences.
My dad and I were driving to the fish market downtown, and at one of the 5 stop lights in Puerto Penasco, a man with crutches and only one and a half legs was collecting money. I wanted to give him a whole dollar, but dad said $0.50. I know I'm going to waste away my inheritance on charity and helping out my less fortunate friends. Some people just know how to handle their money frugally; and sometimes they look like real assholes. But in the end that's why they have fancy cars and shit.

Unless they know how to sing in high tones, have good dance moves, wear only one white glove, and enjoy young boys more than the next guy. If you're this type; you have a lot of money, but you don't know how to conserve it.

I don't know what I'm getting at.

I always feel like I'm writing very clearly and I'm writing a LOT when I write blogs; but the next day I'll go back and read them and think, wow that didn't get to what I was saying at all.

So really, any blogs I write are just trains of thought on paper. Which brings me to my real point.

Train. The band. They released a new album. And it is brilliant. I don't care what kind of music you typically like, country, rock, techno, disco, bullshit; you're going to like this album. So pick it up. It's called Save Me, San Francisco. Which I personally believe is an homage to my life, because I'll be moving to San Francisco next fall. (insert smiling emoticon here)

Am I the only one who thinks emoticons in blogs are wrong? I mean, I know it's not like a publication, or anything serious... But the button does say "Publish Post", I mean, that's pretty official, you know?

Anyway... I envy the only person who reads this blog. Julie, your entries are always so focused and lovely. I promise I'll comment on them soon!

My dad just walked in my room, asked me a question, and left the fucking door open. The reason I keep it closed: the heater is right outside the door. And it is LOUD.

So I think someday I'll write a book of lists. These lists will include: Top 10 hottest guys alive, Top 10 Cutest things on the planet, Top 10 Most Disgusting things ever, Top 10 Things to do when you're bored. The #1's on these lists, respectfully: Colin Farrell, baby playpi, cockroaches, Facebook. I don't know why I feel the need to categorize my life like this; I'm not a very organized person, but I feel like it's appropriate. And perhaps someone in the world will find it entertaining. Or perhaps someone will agree with me, find me, and marry me. And maybe they'll look like Colin Farrell.

Until next time,
Buenos Tardes. Bitches.

So I was having this bad day...

Or, actually, this bad week...

I hate to be a downer. Or actually try to use Twilight as some kind of parallel to my life. But I'm about to do both, so be prepared.

So. There was this guy. And he wasn't my type at all. But he was cute and charming and funny and he eventually sucked me into his trap. So, we had a thing, right? Problem was, this guy, he's kind of, well, afraid of showing emotion. He needs to keep up this bullshit tough guy appearance, right? Well it drives me fucking crazy. And I've had enough of it. We were "together" or whatever for like 3 months or something, right? And this last Friday I was like, enough. I managed to guilt trip the shit out of him... As a side note, this whole time I've convinced myself he no longer gives a shit about me. Well anyway, I'm telling him it's over and he's like, 'Yeah, I have emotions, I just prefer to hide them, and I was just starting to show...' But he never finished.

I'm afraid he was probably about to open up to me.
But I was being a dick because I'm sick of his bullshit.
Anyway, this whole time I've been trying to convince myself I only had a tiny connection to him, and he doesn't care about me at all. Well, now he's gone, and for some reason there's this empty feeling.

I know we weren't going anywhere with whatever we had... But it was something to fill... Whatever it is that's missing in my life? And now he's gone I miss him more than anything... Or maybe I miss how he made me feel. Anyway, the point is, I feel like Bella did when she was around Jacob. Like he was her sun but still not good enough to fill the emptiness Edward left behind. I know, the next time you see me, please slap me across the face for this reference, or for even reading those god forsaken books.

So I'm trying to fill my time with things other than him. And it's the hardest thing I've done since Calculus. Because I know he's there, and he doesn't hate me, and he's just sitting there asking to be talked to... But I can't.
If he wants to talk to me he can. But no matter how much I want to talk to him I have too much pride to take back anything I said.
God knows in a few days my resolve will break. Why is everything bullshit? Fuck.

Why are we such goddamn masochists? In the end, does he even really care? Beneath that bullshit cover I know there's a person. And I know he knows he's hurting me and I know he feels terrible about it. But it's all a charade. It's all a game. And I can't take it.

WHY CAN'T HE JUST BREAK DOWN THOSE FUCKING WALLS?
Appearances.

Fucking Libras.

The song of the day

"[Untitled]" by Brand New