Today was...

A good day. I guess. When I don't get enough sleep I tend to overreact at small stuff. Like that college that made it so far in the NCAA, or whatever. I cried. I didn't make a big deal of it 'cause my dad was right there but I cried. Sleep just makes me do crazy things. Like sleepwalking. Or snoring. Or whatever.

As I write this I imagine George from Dead Like Me reading it aloud. Now, if you've seen Dead Like Me, you are also seeing it that way. Ha. You've fallen into my trap.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot in the last ten minutes of where I am and all the people I had to hurt/lose to get here. Some of them I started hating; some of them started hating me. Both are equally upsetting. To lose someone important to you is almost like losing a camera. Not only did you just waste a couple hundey, but you also lost all the memories and photos that were on it. Once you lose a friend, you not only lose that person's shoulder to cry on, and their winning personality... but you also their memory. Not just because it starts to fade; but because those memories are now tainted, either with sadness or anger... Or merely just an emptiness that can't be filled. For me it's all three. The ones who left me in silence, there is a hole there. The other ones who left me in anger, there is anger. The ones who were condescending; fuck them.
But the ones I left... There is a need to know that they are okay. That they live on without me.

That's probably why I am an active stalker of Myspace accounts.

Today I made a quiche. It's not really the best quiche in the world, but it's alright. Tomorrow is my turn to bring lunch to work. Woohoo! Who knew something so delicious would be so easy to make?

Dad and I also found a salamander in the basement. He was just chillin' in the water 'cause it's flooded down there from snow melt. At first, we just put him out in mom's garden hoping he'd crawl under the rock or something. I think he was a little too weak for that because after 10 minutes he was still in the same place, so I got a big plastic container thing and put him in it with some dirt and some water. Now he's in the garage.
..Dad told me salamanders are supposed to be hybernating right now. We have no freaking clue how he got into the basement or how long he had been there. I'm just glad dad saw him before he dried up.

Anyway, this is turning into more of a journal entry than philsophy on paper. Or internet. Or whatever. I just feel like some day I'll come back and look at all these entries and remember all these things that happened to me... I don't keep a journal. I think I kept one in the third grade or something. It's filled with notes and things about this boy I used to love. In fact, now that I think about it, my heart was first broken in the third grade or so. Maybe 6th.

This other boy who I had the biggest crush on in pre-school all the way through 1st grade, I found out a few months ago that he died in a car crash. Such a tragedy......

Normally I would elaborate on that point, but for now I'll leave that end loose. I'm exhausted. Today was a good day, except the quiche was mediocre and the salamander might not live.

Love always,
-Cait